Who am I?

I was thinking about what kind of person I am. You know, am I a nice person? A compassionate person? A kind person? An asshole? Am I judgmental? Am I a selfish person or a giving person? Do I care about other people? Do I feel sympathy or empathy for a person?

Hmmm. 

Ok, so someone told me once that I'm a kind person but I'm not really a nice person. I was a little offended, but then I thought about it and it's not entirely inaccurate. I'm nicer to strangers than I used to be though. I make an effort to chat up a cashier at the store. I think that's a hard job so I want to be nice to them. I didn't use to do that. I'm judgmental in a gossipy, surface kind of way-like, ewww did you see what they were wearing?! But on a personal, human being kind of way, I don't think I'm a judgmental person. Also, I can definitely be an asshole sometimes, but it's not my nature. Kind of like, I can be professional at work, when it's appropriate, but that's totally not who I am! I am kind of a selfish person, but not in a narcissistic way. I'm selfish about my time. Being an introvert kind of makes you look like an uncaring person though. I was thinking about that because of a movie I saw recently. It's called 13 Lives. It's about the boys who were trapped in a cave in Thailand, for 18 days. This movie made me cry several times. I cried at the thought of the boys in this dark cave, with nothing to eat, can't see anything, scared, hungry...for 10 days before they were found. I cried for the parents who had to wait until the rescue to find out anything about their children. And I cried in relief for the divers when all the boys were brought out and lived. Just the idea of how stressful and the pressure on them, and the emotions. Whoa! 

Anyway, that made me think, oh, I have empathy and compassion. A few months ago, I was asked if I would help, lets say a Ukraine immigrant - if I were checking into a hotel and discovered that the Ukrainian couple also checking in, needed money. Would I be willing to give them what I could. I wanted to say yes, but I wouldn't know that about them. I don't talk to strangers...so their plight wouldn't matter to me. Not in the sense that I don't care, but because I would not have bothered to speak to them. So my answer is no. I feel like that sounds so mean and uncaring but as an introvert who just doesn't strike up a conversation with strangers, it seems alright. Know what I mean? My brother is a huge extrovert! That makes him a very likeable person. He talks to strangers ALL.THE.TIME. That's just not right! 😆 Sometimes, in a fleeting moment of whimsy, I wish I were a more likeable person - open and warm. But then it passes and I think, I don't like people! Ok, I like SOME people. I've been on Facebook for about 15 years and I only have 36 friends. Does that say something about me? Other than I don't have a lot of friends. They say you'll live longer if you have a couple of good friends. They also say you'll live longer if you have a dog. I guess I'll be ok!